Not Okay
by Delenn
Summary: NEW:10-07-03 The transgenic freedom fight is over, the virus is cured, Max's deception about whom she was dating is out in the open, and Alec is leaving. How will Max convince him to stay, and why does she want him to? Ficlet.


**Disclaimer: Big shock, I don't own 'em! I'm just messing around, stealin' 'em, cause I can't even rent 'em! How sad is that? So if you still feel compelled to sue, well, you have to have like **no** life!   
  
Author's Notes: This is angsty, happily-ever-after, 'omigod, it has plot!' A/M ficcy. Big freaking surprise, I know, more like, been done a thousand times. But this one's got better plot then the others, so THERE! J/K. So be a sport and read it anyway, okay? And then you can rant or rave to me in e-mail. Isn't that so much better than just stopping right now? I mean you already went to the trouble of clicking the link and everything!   
  
Story Notes: In the cannon world this takes place post season three, the transgenic/human war is over, but it's been a struggle, and "THE VIRUS" has been cured. Everything is according to cannon, and I bet you can figure it out, but Alec has most certainly found out about Max lying and telling Logan that they were dating. Because she had to explain and retract all that since the cure for the virus was found.   
  
Thanks: I'd like to shout out to H2Olilly, as always, even though I forget to put it in my disclaimers, for her helpful comments on my writing and the gratuitous praise, really, I love it! Keeps me writing, and of course, all the betaing is a godsend.   
  
Song For This Fiction: Someday by Nickelback, it's a great song and it totally inspired this entire fanfiction, so I suggest listening to it while reading this if you can. If not, lyrics are after the fic, so you can hopefully see where this story came from and how it relates. :) Plus, I changed the probable end of the show to suit my needs, so ha, I rewrote the story.   
  
Summary: The transgenic freedom fight is over, the virus is cured, Max's deception about whom she was dating is out in the open, and Alec is leaving. How will Max convince him to stay, and why does she want him to? Ficlet.   
  
Rated: After the dust cleared, I'd have to say PG-13, but correct me if I'm wrong.   
  
Feedback: Love it? Hate it? Go on, you'll be my best friend! See, all you have to do is click the little link! goddess_delenn@yahoo.com   
  
Date Started/Finished: October 6th, 2003**   
  


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Not Okay   
By Delenn

  
  
  
  
_Don't go..._ instead she stands by the door, hands tightly clasped to avoid reaching for him, "taking a trip?"   
  
He pauses, wanting to turn to her but afraid to, he's done with that, with her. "I'm leaving," _how the hell did we wind up like this?_   
  
She can feel her heart constricting, _what signs did I miss? How could I have missed this? Don't go…_ "Why?"   
  
His back is turned to her, busy folding clothes and putting them into the suitcase. _I can't keep doing this, we can't. The story has always played out like this._ "You don't need me, I don't need to be here."   
  
_Damnit, unclench your fists and unpack that suitcase, relax…_ yet she's clenching her own fists and she doesn't know if it's in response to his posture, or if it's just everything. "Y'know, I came her to try to turn the tables…"   
  
"Just stop. Lately there's been too much of this," _you made yourself clear, how this little story was going to play out, with me being strung along._ He still won't look at her because he's afraid she'll see the emotions in his face that he's trying to hide.   
  
She lets one fist unclench so that it can come up to cover her mouth and stop her from screaming, right there. _Oh god, it's too late. No, no, it can't be, it's not._ "Well I hoped that since we're here anyway, we could end up saying things we've always needed to say, that I've needed to tell you."   
  
"It's a little late for that, isn't it? We've moved into living some sort of B-rated Hollywood horror paperback book. I'm sick of it… of this…" _Nothing is wrong, that's right. Someday, somehow, I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now._   
  
Now she bites her lip, suddenly glad that he's not looking at her because she's afraid of what she'll see and what he'll see. _Oh god, not like this, don't leave, not like this._ "Well, then, let's rewrite an ending that fits, instead of that Hollywood horror."   
  
He spins around to face her at that, skepticism written plainly over his face. She's hurt him with her schemes and lies and now he's finally ready to leave her be, get on with his life, because otherwise he knows she'll be the death of him. He can't help but wonder, _when,_ "What, an ending that only you know? Please, I've been through this with you."   
  
"I'm not lying this time," _he hates me and maybe I deserve it,_ "Someday, somehow, isn't gonna make it all right, I know that now," unconsciously she echoes his previous thoughts as if proving how similar they are. "No more of the, 'you're the only one who knows that,' or I'm the only one."   
  
His body slumps, face to face with her he's remembering how hard it is to leave her, especially when she's looking at him like he's the only one who can save her. _Fuck,_ is all that he can really think about all this. He sinks to the bed, not breaking eye contact with her. "Go on."   
  
Gulping slightly, nervous for one of the few times in her life, she tries to explain, "I mean it, let's rewrite this. I'm an idiot and I acted like one. I…" _love you,_ "don't want you to go."   
  
"Why? Isn't my staying here going to mess up your pretty little future," he pauses, "forgive me if I sound bitter, I am. We were friends and you used me. I'm out of here." _Always friends, only friends, don't make me go into that now. Just let me go._   
  
_Friends,_ "No, no, no, no," she's sobbing now, sinking down against the doorframe, _I love you, oh god…_ "Don't leave me…"   
  
He's down on the floor faster than he can think about it, wrapping her in his arms, pulling her close to him, trying to wonder what's happened all of a sudden that's flipped everything upside down. _Don't cry, I'd do anything to keep you happy, I am doing it,_ "Don't cry…"   
  
"You don't get it," she's clinging to him, not going to let go, now that her walls are down she's afraid to let go or she'll drown. "I can't keep doing the right thing for everyone else. And maybe I'm a horrible person, but I don't love him, I haven't in a long time… but… you scared me and you scare me and oh god…"   
  
He kisses her forehead, holds her, like once before when they talked, when he thought things were really going to be okay. Then she retreated into herself, into what everyone was demanding her to be, and she didn't have time for him. "Shh, you don't need to be afraid of me…" _you scare _me_ more than anything, how I feel._   
  
She turns in his arms to face him, holding his eyes with her own, "Let's not do this, change it; don't leave. Pretend everything's okay instead of pretending everything else," _this has to work, I can't lose him and I can't be any more open, I just can't…_   
  
It was looking into those eyes that did him in, they always had, he loves her and he knows it, he just doesn't understand how they messed everything up so much, that she can't see that. "No," when she looks down he tilts her head back up with his hand, "how about we both leave. Make everything right, no pretending," _This place is killing you, and you're dragging me right with you._   
  
Her tears have stopped now, and she's only sniffling slightly, a choked laugh escapes her throat, "I… I need to pack…" she searches his face, "you're serious?"   
  
"Yeah," he stands up, pulling her with him gracefully and keeping his arms wrapped around her waist so that she won't fall, _an ending that fits… I'll give her her happily ever after._ "Yeah, let's go. Now. We can come back for anything we need. Get someone to send it."   
  
"Us," _not you and I, us, tell me there's an us…_   
  
The spark that's been missing from his eyes for the last year is back, with a vengeance. _I'm never going to let her go,_ he suddenly realizes, thinking of the problems for transportation this will entail. "Yes us, for real this time," he says it as an answer, but waits for her nod before continuing anyway, "us, together."   
  
"Together," _I love you,_   
  
_I love you,_ "Yeah."   
  
**Song Lyrics:**   
  
_How the hell did we wind up like this  
Why weren't we able  
To see the signs that we missed  
And try to turn the tables   
  
I wish you'd unclench your fists  
And unpack your suitcase  
Lately there's been too much of this  
Don't think its too late   
  
Nothin's wrong  
just as long as  
you know that someday I will   
  
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when   
  
Well I hoped that since we're here anyway  
We could end up saying  
Things we've always needed to say  
So we could end up stringing  
Now the story's played out like this  
Just like a paperback novel  
Lets rewrite an ending that fits  
Instead of a Hollywood horror   
  
Nothin's wrong  
just as long as  
you know that someday I will   
  
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
  
[Solo]   
  
How the hell did we wind up like this  
Why weren't we able  
To see the signs that we missed  
And try to turn the tables  
Now the story's played out like this  
Just like a paperback novel  
Lets rewrite an ending that fits  
Instead of a Hollywood horror   
  
Nothin's wrong  
just as long as  
you know that someday I will   
  
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
Someday, somehow  
gonna make it all right but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
I know you're wondering when  
(You're the only one who knows that)   
I know you're wondering when_


End file.
